someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
