This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
