so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
