You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
