somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
