Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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