Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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