If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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