How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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