Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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