One girl and one boy is just not enough.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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