I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize