I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
