When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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