Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
