Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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