In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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