His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize