I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
