dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
