I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
