I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
