It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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