I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
