I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
