OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
