I just saw a hot homeless man
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize