so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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