Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize