omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize