Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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