I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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