I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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