I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
