exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
