I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
