3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
