I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
