hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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