I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
