I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
