What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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