i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
