I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
