Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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