I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
