Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize