did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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