Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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