im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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