Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
