Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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