giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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