he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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