Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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