i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
