So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
