rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
