Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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