well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
