I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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