I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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