This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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