The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
