sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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