he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize