so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
