Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I CAN MOONWALK!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
