Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and she was petting her beer can
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
