Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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